Stay Or Go?
You know something is a big decision when all you can do is think about it all day everyday. Should I stay? Why not? I've been here my whole life. This is the place I grew up, this is where family is, this is home. On the other hand, I could go. I could start fresh, meet new people, I mean family will always be here for me to come home to right?
This is one of the hardest decisions. No one can decide what I want except me. The situation at hand is on my mind 24/7. I can choose to move to Georgia with the one I love, or I can let him go and stay with what I know. What if he stops loving me? Then what will I do, all my belongings will be in Georgia when my family is here.
How did this all start? Looking back I realize it began as a friendship that progressed into love. We have always known each other, in fact we met in elementary school. We weren't friends back then, when it started was my senior year in high school. It was a cold winter night and I had received a text from a former friend Billy. Billy asked me if I wanted to go sledding with him and Ryan. I was a little skeptical at first, but then I agreed to join them. When I got off work they picked me up and we drove through the hills far enough that if they wanted to kill me right here, no one would probably find my body for months.
We got out of the car by the highest of hills covered white, it wasn't fresh snow, it was about a foot deep. Every time you walked you had to bend your knee up toward your chest so your foot wouldn't get stuck. We climbed the hill, which seemed to take forever, I swear it was like we were climbing Mt. Everest. We finally get to the top and get ready to go down for the first time. Ryan decided he wanted to go first because he was so excited, he greased his sled before we left. He was laughing and screaming, in my eyes, that was the best time he'd had all week, Then it was Billy's turn,
He had one of those older sleds, you know the wooden ones. Well Billy had thought it would be funny for him to lay on the sled going head first on his tummy. One time was all it took, Billy hit a little jump which had a patch of mud under it and fell off the sled.
He hit his head, we asked if he was alright and all he said was, “I don't know I have to lay down.” So we started walking back to Billy's car, we get to it and he asked who's car it was. Now in my head, “oh shit, he doesn't even know his own car, this is bad.” I told Ryan to drive his car back and we picked up his truck so he could drive me home, which at first I have to admit I felt a little uncomfortable with. I've never been with Ryan alone, but how else was I going to get home? We dropped Billy and his car off at home and Ryan started to drive me home. This is where our friendship started, right there in his two-seated, red, 1997, manual dodge dakota.
I remember asking him if it was hard to drive a manual. I mean what else were we supposed to talk about? It's not like we have ever really talked before. I always saw him as the goofy guy, who I wasn't really close with, but he hung around all of my guy friends. Around half way from Billy's house to mine, I asked Ryan for his number so maybe I could get to know him better. He gave me his number and I texted him mine. That's all it took, the exchanging of numbers and we were best of friends. We ended up talking everyday. My boyfriend at the time hated it.
I guess that's the thing about love though. You can't control who you fall for. Now the question is should I move with him? What if he is my one true love and I decide to stay? I could be making a huge mistake. But then again, what if he isn't my one true love? I could be making a mistake by leaving what I know, home.
This could be the best decision I make. I could start a new life, with my one true love. When I think about leaving, I think about settling down with the one man I love spending time with. The one man who can make me laugh in any situation. The one man who sings to me just to make me smile, no matter how he sounds. The one man who has been there through all the good times and bad times. On the other hand I think about all the friends I will leave behind. I think about my family and how I would miss them if I left. I think about my nephew who will grow up not really knowing his Aunt. I think about my brothers and sisters who I depend on, they will be miles and miles away if I move.
Ultimately this decision is mine, and mine only. What will make me happy? I think if I leave with Ryan I will be truly happy. Would I be as happy if I stay? I don't think that I would, I think I would be miserable if I didn't have Ryan here in my life.
I think that's my choice. I think I will leave with him. I can always come back right? I love him and that's all that truly matters. That's it. I'm moving to Georgia. I'll live in the south and make a cozy little home with the man I belong with. This could be the best choice I've ever made, or the worse. Only time will tell, but for now I am going to leave and be happy because I haven't been happy in a very long time. Maybe we will get married, maybe we won't, but it's worth finding out if we are going to be together.
